Love Me, Shove Me, Make Me Cry
by o0-miss-kaoru-0o
Summary: Someone is hurting Kaoru, but she refuses to say who. Kenshin is livid and desperately wants to find out who it is. Especially since he cannot hear her screams when it happens.
1. Chapter 1

"This is what has to be done." I told myself over and over, as I walked towards her room. I'd never laid my hands on a woman with the intention to harm, but to tonight It's what I have to do to protect her. I know it sounds sick and I will regret it for the rest of my life, but if that's the price I must pay to keep her alive then so be it. She'll probably be sleeping, easy target. I can already feel batousai's heart beating more rapidly with the thrill of the hunt. I will not kill.

I slipped into her room, I was like a shadow on the wall. There she was in the moonlight sleeping peacefully. A peace that was abruptly, violently, and most regretfully shattered.

I grabbed her by the front of her yukata, and lifted her from the futon. Dazed, her eyes went wide with shock and she wailed as I flung her away from me. Her seemingly frail body landed with a crash in the corner of the room as she knocked over the table and glass lantern sitting on it. Glass splintered every where.

I charged forward and picked her up again, this time I back handed her across the face. Her body dove into the floor. She was whimpering, but it only mad me angrier. I backed a few feet away keeping my eyes on her. She franticly pulled herself into a sitting position and backed away from me. She was so frightened she didn't even notice the glass sinking into her bare feet and hands.

She finally mustered up her voice and called out for me. "KENSHIN!" It was a scream of pure terror, that name had more than one meaning. It meant that my name was the sole comfort to her, her hero that would rescue her from anything, It also meant that she had not realized that help would not come. I swiftly dove at her again, this time my hands closed around her neck, and I pinned her to the floor.

She kicked beneath me, and I squeezed her blocking the airflow. She should have passed out, but unfortunately Sano had taught her a thing or two. She kneed me in the groin and stunned me long enough for my grip to completely loosen, and for her to scramble away. I caught her by the ankle and she belly flopped onto the floor. The wind was completely knocked out of her. I wrenched her up by her hair and covered her mouth and nose. Within seconds she'd lost to me, completely asleep in my arms.

That's where she'd wake up…in my arms…. I'd be her hero…..

PRELUDE TO WHATS TO COME...


	2. Chapter 2

Peace did not come after the fight with Enishi. The most terrible part of Kenshin's past was unleashed on us full force. Kenshin's outward wounds were healing, but his smile sometimes poorly hid the pain behind the façade. He tortured himself over his past putting me and the others in danger, however, no matter how unhealed he was he always nosed forward into appearing normal.

Instead of letting his wounds heal, I found him in the kitchen making breakfast. I stood there while his back was turned to me watching his long red hair swing with his movements. It was amazing how he could be in so much pain and still move so deftly.

"Whatcha making?" I asked, coming down the steps.

"Good morning Kaoru-dono, egg and rice with pickled cucumbers." he flashed me a genuine smile, no sign of the pain I knew he was in.

"Kenshin, why aren't you in bed?" I asked taking the bowl of rice he offered me and holding it steady while he dumped a fried egg on top.

He smirked a little, "Kaoru-dono needs to start practice, and not worry about me."

"Kensh-" I started to say, but of course, Yahiko burst round the doorway.

"Alright! Kenshin's cooking again, thought I was going to die, being nourished by Ugly." He said, dodging my playful swing.

"Hungry Yahiko?" Kenshin asked him, filling a bowl of rice.

"Yeah, but if you don't mind Kaoru, I'm going to head over to the Akabeko after practice, Tai and Tsubame need some help today. Can I do my chores after I get home? I'll take a rice ball or two Kenshin."

"Why don't we take a break today?" I asked, "and tomorrow we can visit another school to spar."

His face lit up with excitement. "Oh yeah! thanks Kaoru!"

Kenshin handed Yahiko his breakfast wrapped up in a cloth and set about making his own breakfast. Yahiko bounded out the door, and a few moments later we saw him rush past the doorway with his straw hat and his shinai strapped to his back, his breakfast bouncing in his hand. "Bye!" he called as I heard the gate shut.

Kenshin smiled to himself and ate some rice. I ate my own breakfast for a few minutes, before realizing how odd this moment was. Did Kenshin feel at home here? It always weighed in the back of my mind that one day I would wake up and find him gone.

I would search the ends of the earth for him if he did. Why not? Hadn't he risked his life for me countless times in the past? He always came for me, no matter the danger. I sincerely hope he felt as though this was his home.

I also wished for more, that maybe if I was more to him, that the fear of him leaving would disappear all together. I was more afraid of that than another woman stealing his heart. I already knew who had his heart and she was long gone. I couldn't even begin to understand how she won his favor, but I could, to an extent sympathize with him on losing someone he loved.

None of this seemed to help considering I couldn't bring myself to bring it up at all, much less at the breakfast table. I hadn't noticed that I was staring at him, until I heard him calling my name.

"Kaoru-dono? You alright?" he asked gentle concern lacing his voice.

I snapped out of it, stumbling over my words. "I um, think im going to go do some cleaning. Thank you for breakfast."

I watched her as she swiftly left the kitchen. Little did she know I knew what she was thinking about. I wasn't so naïve that I didn't know that look in her eyes whenever she watched me. She was thinking about me leaving again, I knew this was huge weight on her mind mostly because I could hear her thrashing about in her sleep, and calling after me, sometimes begging me not to walk away.

I would sometimes sit against the wall, and silently comfort her, fighting the urge to go to her side. Why I didn't, I don't know. Before Sano left us, he told us to have a couple of kids. Kaoru was terribly embarrassed, and I laughed it off, but inwardly I didn't know how to initiate that kind of life with her much less start a family right away.

I think I'd found my home, however, I had to think that if I was going to stay here I might ruin her chances at finding a husband. Our neighbors knew better, but there were some rumors floating around out there that she harbored men in her home, which was true, however the relationships that she had with us were completely on friendly terms. The fact that, I was the Battousai, Sano was a street fighter, Megumi a former opium dealer, and Yahiko and orphan with ties to the Yakuza, didn't help her either. I also attracted terrible amounts of trouble for her, my past kept bubbling up and putting her in immense danger.

I put the rest of the rice away for dinner, and prepared to do the laundry. As I made my way into the courtyard I noticed Kaoru going into the bathhouse to take a bath. To say the fire underneath was mediocre was an understatement. I ignored my wounds as they protested against me and hauled the necessary firewood to the bathhouse.

Over the roaring fire I could hear her crying, she often let her frustrations out in the bath, and in the past I let her be. The events this past week had no doubt caused a lot of stress on her, so this time I gave in and let my presence known. "Kaoru-dono? Are you ok?" I asked lightly tapping on the wall.

I heard Kenshin's muffled voice from the other side of the wall, I jolted in surprise splashing water. "Yes!" I choked, embarrassed. I wanted to cry more, this man seemed to care so much about me, but how? How did he care? I was starting to believe more and more that he thought of me as a child, he was mad when I followed him to Kyoto, and there were countless times he kept me out of a fight I could have won. When Sanosuke, would say anything that leaned toward the tension between us, he seemed oblivious, and when Megumi would tease me and hang all over him, it was the only time I'd seen him blush. It upset me how she could do it so easily, and it hurt even more that she affected him that way.

I sank beneath the water, until my eyes were level with it. It was then that I noticed the steam coming off the top, my pitiful fire was incapable of producing it. I came out of the water with such a force, I knocked most of it out of the basin. "Kenshin, you are NOT lifting that fire wood!" I threw my yukata on and burst through the door. My foot caught and I came out falling right into Kenshin's arms, soaking wet and half dressed.

"Careful, Kaoru-dono." He said. "you might catch a cold."

My heart skipped a beat and plummeted to my feet at the same time. Here I was practically naked in his arms, and he was worried about me catching a cold. "I'm fine." I said a little in disbelief. "Kenshin, you are bleeding."

His shirt was growing a dark spot on his shoulder, I sighed inside. "Lets change your bandages, before they dry onto the wound."

I tightened my yukata around me, and walked toward his room, I pulled my wet hair over my shoulder and rang it out, throwing in back behind me. He followed me only when I looked back at him still standing next to the bathhouse.

His room was immaculate as usual, and in no time I located the fresh strips of cloth, he shrugged off his gi and let it hang from his waist. Megumi's work was expert and tight, and again I felt mediocre, in my abilities. What reason would this man want me for a wife.

I noticed her mood change, and sadness crept over her already swollen eyes. "what's on your mind Kaoru-dono?" I asked. The pain in my shoulder dulled compared to the pain I felt to know she'd been crying. Kaoru wouldn't look at me, she shrugged and I saw the tears fight to be released again, as she began to gently remove my bloody bandages.

I'd always liked the way she did my bandages, Megumi's work was superb, but tight, Kaoru, meaning to or not always loosened them to a less painful point, so either way I was happy I had to change them. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but I stopped. She obviously didn't want to say, at the moment. "Kaoru-dono, I won't pry, but if you are in any kind of trouble, please tell me."

She snapped out of her concentration, for a moment. "No, im not in trouble. I'm not in trouble, Kenshin." She said angrily.

She finished and retrieved one of my old gi's from my small pile against the wall, knelt beside me unfolding it, and that's when I saw a tear escape.

She turned her face away and held it out to me. I slipped it on, and handed her the blood stained red one. I wanted to acknowledge the now obvious pain in her face, but she was already angry with me for some unknown reason.

I watched as she stood and abruptly walked out of the room. I tucked my gi in, and was still adjusting it when I came out onto the porch. She lifted a bucket of water out of the well, and dumped it into a larger bucket on the ground. She put my gi into it and pressed it down soaking it completely.

Her hair was drying in long black tendrils around her, and I caught a glimpse of her white legs as she sat on her haunches to wash my clothing. She was still in her yukata, fresh out the bath. My breath hitched in my throat, as I stared at her completely unaware that I'd followed her.

The stress was almost too much, If I told him how I felt and he didn't feel the same way, I could drive him away, but if I didn't say anything soon, he might decide to leave, and I don't think I could go through that again. I was terrified of him leaving me, I didn't care if I never got married, if he went my happiness would come crashing down, but I also had to realize that maybe he wanted to get married eventually too, and my heart hurt every time I thought about that.

I scrubbed vigorously at the stain that wouldn't budge, and my tears spilled over. I scrubbed harder, and a sob escaped. Strong hands clasped around mine, and I dropped the brush and the gi into the bucket, with a splash.

Kenshin pulled me toward him, and wrapped me in a strong and warm embrace. "What did I do, Kaoru-dono?" he asked.

I let out another sob into his chest, and I felt his arm pull me in tighter, and his other hand cradle my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and fisted my hands in his gi. I couldn't say it, it wouldn't come out.

"Im not going anywhere, as long as you want me here I'll stay." He crooned.

I knew, when I saw her fall apart it was time to tell her that I wouldn't do what she feared the most. My heart sped up when she gripped my gi, and held onto me. I let her cry, she was so lost in her sobs, I don't think she noticed when I kissed her on top of her head.

HEY EVERYONE, ID LIKE TO THANK ALL MY FAITHFUL READERS OVER THE YEARS AND I AM SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO UPDATE ANYTHING. PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

HEY EVERYONE, THANKS FOR READING MY STORIES. I DON'T WRITE TO GET REVIEWS, BUT THEY DO KEEP ME MOTIVATED, I JUST LIKE TO HERE WHAT YOU THINK. SO PLEASE PLEASE READ AND REVIEW IT MEANS A LOT. THANKS.

I lit a cigarette before I knocked on the Kamiya dojo gate. 10 years ago if someone had told me I was going to pull such a deed as this, I'd have laughed in their face. This damn girl's safety weighs on my mind more than it should. I rapped on the gate, and waited. No answer. I'd seen Himura in town on my way here, so naturally I assumed the girl was home.

I was just about to leave when I heard that orphan kids voice at the end of the alley way. The girl was beside him dressed for practice, and they were so engrossed in their conversation they didn't see me until I threw my cigarette down, and stepped on it.

The boy immediately tensed, but she approached me with a worried look upon her face. "is it Kenshin?" she asked, clearly her thoughts never strayed far from that man.

"He is alright, I came because I thought I might have a word with you." I said. "alone." I eyed the boy as I spoke.

"go inside Yahiko." She said immediately.

The boy whom I knew to be argumentative, must of known by the tone of her voice, that she neither one of us would be reckoned with. He gave the girl a searching look, and glared at me as he went through and shut the gate.

"What is it Saitoh?" she asked, already worry overtaking her demeanor.

I shifted, and for lack of anything else to do anything with my hands, I pulled another cigarette from a silver case in my pocket. "Let's walk."

She set her sparring equipment down by the gate, and joined my side. After a few moments of silence as I lit my cigarette. I gathered my thoughts and began. "do you know if Kenshin is having night mares?"

She eyed me with suspicion. "why?"

"I've had my fight girl, just answer my question." I was ready to cut to the chase and get out of here.

"Not that I know of, I mean he sleeps against the wall most of the time, almost never lets go of his sword." She said waving her hands.

"Have you ever awoken him while he sleeps? I mean actually walked up to him and touched him?" I asked.

"No, never had a reason too, he seems to be awake whenever you need him."

I nodded. "Well in that case don't try."

"You still haven't told me what this is about." She said stopping in front of me.

"Due to my own experience with the stress of war, I have reason to believe that your Rurouni is long overdue for flash backs. Periods of time lasting a couple of minutes to hours, where he believes himself to be in war again, and if that's the case girl, he will also believe himself to be hitokiri again."

"Do they stop? I mean after a while do they stop?" I asked. My heart pounded in my chest, I was surely hoping Kenshin was not experiencing these kind of dreams.

"Perhaps, with time, and other things to occupy his mind, like….children." he said taking a puff of his cigarette.

Great, even an old samurai was instructing me to start popping out babies. "What do I do if this ever happens?"

"If he incorporates you into the illusion, you will either be someone good he knew from his past, or someone bad. If it's the latter, you might as well accept death."

It never occurred to me that he could kill me. The concept didn't frighten me so much as these episodes not being expected. Not knowing when I would find myself at the end of that sword.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked him, I hated that I didn't know when to trust him like Kenshin did.

"Because if he hurts you, or kills you that part of him will possibly be unleashed again. Be on the lookout."

Saitoh bowed politely and started on his way.

I watched him leave, and nearly jumped out of my skin when Kenshin put his hand on my shoulder. "What did he want?" he asked a little confused.

Afraid I might send Kenshin into one of his 'I must do what's best for Kaoru-dono' phases, I turned the conversation around a little bit. "He just wanted to know, if you ever had nightmares about war and acted out in your sleep…..he wanted to know if it was a common thing." I absolutely hated lying to him.

I saw saitoh, and I was completely confused, what did he want? I put on a face and pretended not to notice that she was hiding something from me.

She seemed awkwardly quiet while we ate dinner, even Yahiko didn't pick her as much. The boy ate his dinner, and asked if he could go into town for the night.

Puzzled I asked him why. He practically lived here now, and most of the time he never really asked permission like we were his parents, unless it involved sword practice.

"I gotta do something important." He said, not looking at me or kaoru. "But, he added its not dangerous, and I'll be safe." He said.

Kaoru moved to argue, but I cut her off, "That's great Yahiko, hope to see you at breakfast."

His face lit up in a smile and bowing his thanks he bounded towards his room, and a few moments later out of the gate with his shinai wrapped up like my sakaba.

I helped Kaoru clear away the dishes and after almost an hour of no words between us, I finally cracked. "Kao-" I didn't even get her name out before she abruptly told me she was going to bed.

I inwardly sighed, as I watched her disappear around the doorway. I finished cleaning the kitchen all the while thinking I wanted to find out what was wrong, and my concern brought me to the outside of her room.

I knocked, and she answered with my name. "Kenshin?"

"May I come in?"

I heard her sigh heavily, and she agreed to let me in.

When I slid the door open she was sitting on her futon, her beautiful black hair spilled around her as she ran a jade comb through it. I slid the door halfway, and knelt at the end of her bed.

"Kenshin do you ever have dreams of the Bakamatsu?' she asked her eyes cast down.

She caught me completely off guard, and I fidgeted with a loose string on my sleeve, while contemplating my answer. "all the time." I finally said when the silence was getting too thick.

"What are they about?" she whispered.

Taken aback again, I looked up at her with surprise. "Kaoru I…"

She turned her head and looked at me, letting the jade comb come to rest in her lap. "I want to know."

I let my mind wander for a moment back to a tumultuous time. A time full of death and uncertainty. "The screaming, the blood." I felt like I couldn't say more. I didn't want to bring her into that world of horror, a world she was sheltered from and possibly too young to remember. How could I taint this beautiful woman, with the blood of my hands? How could I tell her I could still hear hundreds of men drowning on their own blood? How could I tell her I could still feel Tomoe's embrace, and hear her cries of mourning.

"Kenshin?" for the third time that night she shocked me, as I hadn't noticed she was inches from my face.

My heart pounded. "Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

"What's wrong?" she said, dangerously close to me, I felt myself wanting to lean in and kiss her. "Your eyes are turning…" she whispered. "Like when you're fighting."

She was curious and leaned in closer. "That's amazing.."

"That's the eyes of a murderer Kaoru-dono."

I looked into his eyes this time focusing on him, rather than the color. I then realized how close I was and returned to my position on the futon. I wanted to say so much to him, how I felt when he held me yesterday. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how much I didn't care about his past. I wanted him. All of him.

I stared at the half open door behind him, and realized he probably hadn't come into the room for what I so wished he'd come for. Why couldn't I say what I wanted to say? He'd calmed my biggest fear yesterday, somehow knowing what I was upset about, but why couldn't I do the same?

When had I become so afraid of losing someone? The silence as he sat there was enough to light a fire. "Good night Kenshin."

"Good night Kaoru-dono." He left without a word, and I let my tears soak my pillow.

I had the familiar nightmare grip me much later into the night. He was walking away, and I couldn't run after him. 'please don't walk away' I cried. And then, I awoke and sat straight up, it was dark, and quiet.

The moon cast a blue glow over the courtyard as I tiptoed to Kenshin's room, but he wasn't in it. My heart plummeted, and when I turned towards the gate, I realized he was propped up against the wall by my door. Sound asleep, he sat with his sword leaned against his shoulder.

Had I looked the other way coming out of the room I'd have noticed him. I tiptoed to his side and meant to feel his face to see if he was cold, but no sooner had my fingertips brushed his cheek then he grabbed my wrist, jerked me sideways, causing me to stumble backwards as he released me and I fell off the porch.

"Kenshin?!" I cried, as my body slammed into the ground.

I laid there for a few minutes watching as he walked to the edge of the porch and stared at me with amber eyes. It was in that moment I realize what Saitoh was talking about, and for a few more moments I stared back convinced that he was going to kill me. I saw him leap over me, and could hear the tale tale signs of a sword being sheathed. He walked over, and lifted me up by the shoulders, I'd hurt my leg as I fell, and stood on it awkwardly.

He lifted me in his arms. It's not like he hadn't done this in the past, but it shocked me after what'd just occurred. Instead of carrying me to my room he went to his, and before I could say anything more. "Tomoe, I've told you once before, do not touch me when I am sleeping."

To say I was even more shocked was an understatement, and then he gently deposited me on the futon. I was still staring at him in too much disbelief to say anything, and then if things couldn't get more awkward he began to undress.

PLEASE R&R


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